More damages were made than actually making progress. What appeared all things was going nice has turned upside down since my last bi-monthly update in February.
Let’s cut to the chase, it has been an underwhelming last two months.
That one article I wrote about joining a NASCAR team was an April Fools joke. As a fan of the sport since 2003, there’s no top team based in California. The closest one is in Colorado. It’s a way to poke fun of myself while utilizing my writing skills. I guess it was too real that some thought it was legit. Maybe one day.
But yes, I’ve been battling personal demons and facing a major crossroads in my life.
Is this saga even worth it? Is defending myself with some people like my own parents making things better or worse?
Those agonizing questions has been lingering inside my head and at times felt I need to go away and find my authenticity.
I’ve postponed my latest NASCAR video that I had originally planed to publish in March. Outside of audio, I’ve done nothing since because I have no desire of making the video. Until I find my mojo back, it may not come out until May. Consider the video undergoing “Developmental Hell.”
Since my last update, I’ve resigned from Angel of the Winds Arena and no longer work as a guest servant. Apologies, but part of me says ‘I’m glad it’s fucking over!’ On the other hand, I had to in order to be considered hired as a video production crew member, the gig I sorely want. It’s my last resort to keep this career alive and maybe bring a smile to my family.
I’ve also put myself into a corner if whether or not I’ll stay at CenturyLink Field because of scheduling conflicts. That’s because I’m currently working full-time at another job. Nothing to do with my career, but it brings weekly money.
However, I said that I want this to be a temporary as possible and once I no longer have any setbacks financially, thanks to finally working at a paying job that I’ve poured blood, sweat and tears the past half decade, I’ll leave with ease.
Right now that isn’t the case and that’s okay if it means I’ll get paid weekly.
Here’s my progress as of April 25, 2018.
Promise No. 1: Travel to Learn New Things (Borderline)
If there’s one bright spot at my new daily job, it’s not worrying about money to travel. However, any signs of going to Mexico has become obsolete because that has fallen through. I should be there right now, but I can’t have nice things and I guess it’s for the better.
Promise No. 2: Serve Others About Life (Road to Failure)
Part of the reasons why my days as a guest servant may come to a complete end is because I haven’t done anything where I can say, ‘I’m making an impact for other people.’ Someday, I’ll feel it, but not as a guest servant.
Promise No. 3: Belongingness (On Hold)
The script has not been taken serious since the initial draft and with summer rolling along, I don’t think I’ll have my vision come into fruition anytime soon.
Promise No. 4: Media Outlet (Accomplished)
At least I’m happy writing about racing and gradually grow as a writer. I’ve come a long way from being a mediocre writer in high school to being a competent one since college. I may have hurt people’s feelings and rubbed people the wrong way (more on that soon), but I haven’t given up growing in this field.
Promise No. 5: Motorsports Weekend (Getting There)
Good news, I’m one step closer of being credentialed at both Sonoma and Portland. That is because I won’t have to worry about going broke. While I hate the pain I’m putting myself at work, at least it’ll lead to greater things later this year.
Only issue about Sonoma is Friday morning, which I consider media mania. That day is about press conferences and hearing compelling scopes about drivers and other on-track activities. So my hungry ass wants to make the most out of this trip.
I intend of looking up hotels and (sigh) either a shuttle or taxi to go from a hotel in Napa Valley to the race track. Then of course, finding the closest airport because the closest marketable venue is Oakland and San Francisco. That within itself requires research, but I’m not letting this one blow by.
Portland shouldn’t be an issue at all because the hotel is pretty much walking distance. I’m really excited about going to a major auto racing event in the Pacific Northwest this Labor Day Weekend. Credentialed or not, I will be there.
Promise No. 6: Driving (In Progress)
I’ve finally taken the time reading the darn manual and at times learn how to drive with my father. When I feel mentally prepared to take the exam and driving test, it’s going to feel great. Who knows, I’ll finally be taken serious as a media personnel.
Promise No. 7: Create a Film About My Favorite Places (None)
It’s not my number-one priority when I have other concerns to deal with, but I’ll give you another reminder that I have goals on what I’d love to make videos someday:
1) A week at Mt. Triumph Leadership Camp: Recaps and interviews of why this place was near and dear to my heart would be my angle.
2) Local racing drivers in the state of Washington: It’s not hard to find a motocross, sprint car and late model drivers around my neck of the woods. I want to give them some limelight and if I get the right equipment soon, I’m ready to make it possible.
3) Motorsports Weekend Recaps for the Tribune: I’ve had this vision once I was welcomed to the team, of course writing will be the bread and butter when I cover races, but a food for thought.
4) More High School Football games: I want to produce better football coverage. The equipment is there, and when fall arrives, you bet I’ll be there.
5) International Tales: I’ll admit, interviewing individuals with a compelling story when they traveled outside of America for school or their personal adventures are fascinating.
Promise No. 8: New Home (In Progress)
Some progress was made and it’s just a matter of waiting if and when we’ll finally leave Everett. If they don’t, I will soon when it’s right.
Promise No. 9: Autism Awareness (Failed?)
I failed because I didn’t get the opportunity of creating the video and come up with a proper visual that will draw an audience to care about autism. This dream will have to wait until next year because I hate doing things half-ass.
My alternate project was writing about Lombard Bros. Gaming sponsoring Ryan Sieg Racing, which was published on World Autism Awareness Day on April 2nd. Despite not getting the love from my peers, I had a blast writing the story behind the sponsorship and why raising awareness for autism is important to the Lombard family.
Video wise, it flopped for now, but getting a message across that individuals with autism can make a difference was successful to a degree.
Promise No. 10: Photoshoot (No Progress)
Again, I’m focused on handling personal issues. Once I have time, I will plan of doing a photoshoot on people.
Promise No. 11: Video Profiles on People (No Progress)
Go see Promise No. 10!
Promise No. 12: Dream Internship (Denied)
The Mukilteo Beacon, much like the Moscow-Pullman Daily News, sees nothing in me. The Beacon hasn’t responded back regarding my interest of being an intern after saying they’ll schedule an interview a few months ago. Carry on.
Promise No. 13: Get a Support System (In Progress)
Will see in June if it grows. For now, nothing drastic happened where I feel my stock has risen as a media personnel.
Promise No. 14: Memoir Project (In Progress)
Still writing every day, beyond exceeding my expectations because I thought I would’ve stopped writing how my day went and get stuff of my chest.
To think I haven’t missed a day thus far in 2018 shows how dedicated I am to openly express my journey. I am committed to this project and when the time comes that I’ll share it to the world, raw and honest, I can say to myself, ‘You made this project a reality.’
Until we meet again, I hope I got glorious updates and hope I can put some checks on couple of promises. For those who are still with me, this battered and bruised body won’t quit. I have some personal stuff to take care of and gone through a lot over the past 16 months, but the suffering will end. Whether people like it or not, I will do my damnest to pull through once and for all.
Doubt me if you insist, prove me wrong if I give consent.