10 years ago today, I said farewell to a valuable place that to this day (cue screaming, IYKYK) holds a special piece in my heart.
It was inevitable, but part of my livelihood also said farewell that day as a nice three-year chapter (two more as a delegate) at Cispus came to an emotional close.
Gone were the week-long period of joy, trials and tribulations, anticipation and growth in a tumultuous period in my life.
Gone were the days of July being a boastful period to meet new faces and create everlasting memories.
Gone were the escapism of what was eating me up with my collegiate and personal life.
When the dust settled, this very day (July 11th) in 2015 was the day when one magical chapter ended and a never-ending saga began.
The truth is that those days are gone.
I ultimately wouldn’t see several people again for many years at most (very few I still interact with) while many others I’ve not seen ever since closing that chapter. Some I owe tremendous apologies for any wrongdoing in a period that can be described as troublesome, particularly the years 2017-2022.
Knowing this was going to be it, I kissed the pavement of the lovely road because it was the most appropriate way to say thank you.
The inspiration? Drivers kissing the Yard of Bricks at Indianapolis Motor Speedway of course.
Anyways, the moral lesson is saying farewell is just part of the life cycle, things are temporary even if it brought tremendous joy.
A lot has changed, oftentimes for the better and scaringly the worst in some facets in life. I’ll spare the single life jargon and career shortcomings, because that’s totally irrelevant. Instead, I want to reflect a little bit on how life has changed in my current age of 30.
It’s hard to fathom that 10 years have blown by fast. I didn’t get that sense of fathom during my high school reunion in 2023.
For starters, I still have hair and the fedora, crushes have come and go, but I’ve been focusing on my profession that’s led to some amazing moments. That said, writing this entry was tough because I haven’t thought about it until this week while dealing with a lot of stuff personally.
When I said farewell to Cispus, it was one night removed from mentally deciding that I wasn’t going to transfer from the University of Idaho to the University of Houston. There were a lot of factors into the decision, including my youngest brother being born three weeks prior, but I knew my reasonings were for the wrong reasons.
During my final year at Mt. Triumph Leadership Camp as a junior counselor, it took a lot of soul searching and self-revelation to recognize that my motives of leaving Idaho weren’t going to favor me.
I wasn’t crazy about starting all over and honestly, I struggle with it today.
The notion of starting again scares me as much as death does because I’m a guy that’ll do anything to keep things going despite nobody else wanting to give me a shot.
While I made the wise decision of staying at Idaho and part of me wished I stayed another semester (I graduated early) for a litany of reasons, I still owe a lot of gratitude of being a part of something special like Mt. Triumph, the leadership camp I attended as a high school student and was a junior counselor for three years.
This was the place, my happy place to be exact, I needed to be to find a sense of clarity before making what was the toughest decision in my life at the time. This decision didn’t come alone.
The folks from John Rogers and Kennedy High School (the two schools I had in 2015) were amazing folks to have as part of my final year as a JC and of course SC Amanda. They’ve helped me in some ways during this period of my life. Even the other staff and my colleagues from 2013-15 played a role as to why the experience being valuable.
Even at the tender age of 30 and still hope there’s a way I can incorporate my profession to highlight the magic of Cispus to others who have no idea, I still look back at that period fondly. I don’t often reflect like I used to in the 2010s, but when I do, it brings me back.
Funny enough, there’s a HAIM tune called “Take Me Back” from their latest album aptly titled, I Quit, that focuses on the younger days of the sister trio. Primarily on woeful relationships and graphical traumatic tales.
Theme of the song aside, the moral lesson is not all experiences or nostalgic stories are equal, but there are days where I wish I could go back to those days at Cispus. But deep down, it’s not possible even if I think about it now a decade later.
All I can do is reflect and concentrate on my current life as a journeyman photographer and writer that happens to work sporting events regularly.
Between working on a semi-autobiographical novel, a NASCAR Thunder 2003 mod, and finding clients to shoot photos to keep my business alive so I can cover more races and pay the bills, I’ve had some journey in the last decade.
I’d love to share about it, but it’s unlikely because I’m doing my best not to shed the low points a lot like I used to because it’s proven to be detrimental. I’m not the same man I was in 2015, much less the man I was in 2022 when I took the grandest risk of pursuing my passions full-time.
There’s a lot of things I’ve let go of and still working on letting go permanently. My main focus is on myself and turning my luck around because self-care is the one trait I’ve neglected for too long.
If there’s a goal to have in my 30s, that’s probably it in terms of the basics. There’s other goals out there, but they’re not applicable here.
As the day drew close and the nights were deep, I thought about what to share from the final day that capsulated everything that made Cispus special.
There was really one answer – share my speech I gave on my final day as a JC.
At least, most of it because there’s stuff I kept off for privacy reasons on this platform.
What I can say today is some of those demons I dealt with in 2015 are obsolete. Sure, I wish I could eliminate all of it, but I’m taking each step towards redemption one day at a time.
Surprisingly, I still have the final draft of what I said and yes, there are some grammatical flaws. But the message was important to me in that time period and it holds true a decade later.
Without further ado, here’s most of my remarks as it was said and organized, in their beautifully flawed form. The very speech I told people during the closing ceremony and in a way, saying farewell to one chapter in my life.
There comes a time when we all think about our lives, whether is what college you want to go to, finding the one you want to spend the rest of your life with or even finding your true self. Everything has a purpose which can be a blessing or a detriment. Sometimes we look at our detriments more than our blessings which is an issue that we should reflect upon in order to understand ourselves.
Over the past week, you have been on a wonderful journey of learning how to become an effective leader, understanding where people come from, and even trying new things you would have never imagined of doing five days ago. One of the things that you shall always be aware of is embracing what you have from a positive point of view.
The negatives just takes away the positives if you let it define you. High school isn’t easy, there will be challenges thrown in your path. If there was one thing high school can do to us, it is the ability to see the values of what you do. I want you to take the time to look back of what you’ve done that you’re proud of. Take the time to thank the people in your life for being there through thick and thin. But also, take the time to make an attempt to write your thoughts and feelings because it may make you realize who you are.
You have learned why certain things are important such as why are we here, why Maslow’s needs are crucial, why certain things happened, and so on. Mt. Triumph Leadership Camp is such a beautiful place to learn those things just like I’ve learned how to challenge myself to be a better man and the importance of others over the past five years. Hope you have learned something that will last a lifetime. But before I wrap it up, I would love to send you off with an important message.
Life is a long and winding road we all go through. It leads us to an eventful life, of unpredictability. Each road has its own story that is waiting for you to write it. Sometimes our hearts will lead us to one area, but another side will take you to another route. No matter what people think of it, you call the shots because your own heart led to the road you’ve chosen. That is why each road has a value and you must embrace it. So what are you going to do? Why do decisions matter? It’s simply a path that will lead you to another road where the process begins again. That’s just how life is, it throws you new opportunities to challenge yourself.
As Asha Tyson said,
“Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.”
Until we meet again, because goodbyes are ever so final as Marty Reid said. Go where your heart desires and never ever give up in what you believe in, and keep on pursuing your dreams!
Thank you and love you all with care!
Hope those remarks can bring some sense of optimism to your day or life in general because at the end of the day, there’s always room for growth. More so now in a period of uncertainty.
This post is a way to once more say thank you and hopefully a glimpse of life over the past 10 years.
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